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Estranging my extended family.

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    Posted: 21 October 2012 at 6:42pm
In the last year, atop of everything else, I've been dealing with several members of my extended family who have been causing nothing but trouble for my parents who are still- for all intents and purposes....homeless after the flooding. {red tape and finance problems- all legitimate, nothing that can be controlled.}

Today, I cut the cord. After a year of backbiting, openly accusing my parents of squatting in my grandmother's house and not doing enough to move out (not true) and keeping my grandmother from coming back to visit us- especially now that son #2 is born...I came unglued and messaged both of them saying "fix it, or adios."

One's responded to me as I rather thought she would, and has been written off as dead to me.
The second is much more dramatic, she'll probably call me in a few days with fire coming out of her ass.

I didn't really expect either of them to make any attempt to resolve the situation, but I thought I'd ask them if they'd try.

The kicker is- the first one hasn't spoken to me in MONTHS. In one of her responses to me today she reamed me for having posted the birth announcement of Grant (son 2) on facebook and not calling her. Turned the birth of our kid into something about HER. That point is where I cut the cord and told her to 'call me when you can grow up a bit.'

I'm sure a few of you have gone through this before, I never have and its much easier than I anticipated. In fact, its a bit refreshing to have gotten it off my chest and move on. The REALLY good news....

I have two less Christmas cards to write out, so if anyone here wants their slots, we can arrange that LOL


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stratoaxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 October 2012 at 6:57pm
I think there's a point you come to in life where you realize, "Wait, I've only got one shot at this. Why am I wasting my happiness on people who CHOOSE to be miserable?"

That's the decision I came to. I would tear myself apart trying to figure out what I did to person A or B, trying to reconcile relationships, etc etc. The worst are family, because we're raised with this inner feeling of duty to blood relatives and to me life becomes much simpler when you simple classify everyone around you by their positive or negative influence on your life and regardless of relation.
 
I've certainly lost quite a few friends over the past couple of years with this mentality, but I find that I don't stress about silly things like keeping other people happy when they're the reason behind their own unhappiness. There are people who had value to your life and all of the rest are expendable.
 
I think that, at some point, this even applies to your children. My aunt is dealing with her son who's a 42 year old heroin addict. He hits her, steals from her, cusses her, but then he has these moments where his "inner good person" shines. The truth is there is no "inner good person," there's the person he chooses to be and there's no reason for her to keep ruining her life and the life of her husband to appease his wants and desires. At some point we'll all reach a destination in our life, and it would be a shame to look back and see nothing but turmoil and sadness at the hands of selfish people.
 
Good luck keeping the Negative Nancy's at bay :)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote procarbinefreak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 October 2012 at 7:54pm
My wife (still weird saying that) and I had to deal with something like this, but not too extreme.  One of Kate's cousins is a recovering addict who's parents have died, her dad of suicide.  She has been given numerous chances by her family, including living at her aunt's and grandparent's duplex.  When living there, she stole money and jewelery from them and ruined a free living situation.  She's getting better, and living with her sister and holding a job now... but she's relapsed before...

When it came to who to invite to the wedding, we were both uncomfortable having her there around unattended purses, and our gift table which we knew would be mostly cards with cash gifts.  We decided not to invite her.  It caused a bit of family drama, but we got support from the people that matter.  

It's never a fun situation, but it was the first time I really had to put my foot down about something family related and had to stick to it.  I was expecting more backlash that what happened, especially because it wasn't my family and I was the biggest advocate of not having her there.  
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SSOK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 October 2012 at 9:54pm
With the amount of crap you have to deal with, you really don't need their BS. Good for you.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote choopie911 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 October 2012 at 3:13am
Originally posted by SSOK SSOK wrote:

With the amount of crap you have to deal with, you really don't need their BS. Good for you.
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