Growing up is awkward.

Firstly, when I mentioned masculinity, I was referencing confidence. You can be Burt Reynolds, you could be Johnny Depp, but the root of it all is confidence in one's self. I've always found that confidence to BE George Clooney or Orlando Bloom (figuratively) as opposed to TRYING to be them is an indicator of one's masculinity, or confidence in themselves as men. Or in reference to women, femininity. Whatever. It's all personal identity. You may ask "Golly DeTrevni, why not just call it 'self-confidence?'" Well, you'd be right, but there are underlying characteristics as well, associated with one's gender. Old ideals such as Chivalry, or even English (or Southern) gentry (of the more contemporary definition) inspire me. A social etiquette that I think has kinda fizzled out over the years. Really though, all that is non sequitur. I should have just referenced it as "confidence" and left the masculinity out of it, but I wasn't thinking straight.

That said, the subject of sexuality is the root to many of my problems today, and I guess this is where I got the "masculinity" bit from. Because of my overall lack of self-confidence, I occasionally question my standing as a "man." Yes, it's shallow, I know, but it's a legitimate worry for me. I appreciate the words and tough love, but it has been so ingrained into my psyche that "just get over it" won't cut it, unfortunately. Of course, I work in a machine shop surrounded by the typical blue-collar types who weigh masculinity on a scale of how many girls they can bang, and how often. Naturally, that can whittle away at my ego over time, shallow though it may be. It's tough to stay strong. It really is.

So essentially, I wasn't referencing Burt Reynolds as much as I was referencing confidence. I wish I had more, sure, but I'm doing hella better than I was. No doubt. I still get waves of "identity crisis" now and again, as can be seen, but I'm really doing better.

Sorry to be the Debbie Downer here.

*and unorganized.

 

I tried reading through every post, but honestly found myself skimming and wanting to sit down with a nice bottle of chardonnay and watch "Beaches".

 

Seriously though, wait until you have been with the same woman for nearly 1/2 of your life! The stresses of money, health and kids can and most likely will suck any sexual desires you have completely out of you. I used to laugh at Al Bundy thinking that he was a schmo, but holy crap it's happening to me!