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Growing up is awkward.

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Snipa69 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Snipa69 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 October 2012 at 3:30pm
As most have mentioned, we have all been there. I had the fear that I wouldn't even be able to perform in bed at the level I used to even with an incredibly gorgeous woman. Like you, I had a woman of extreme significance leave me. The plan with her was to get married and do that whole thing. My conclusion was that because she left in such a tragic way (Cheated on me numerous times and started her new relationship 6 months before we were over) it took a very large blow to my ego. It began to put thoughts in my head that no woman could be trusted and that all women were out to hurt me in some way. Because of this, I went without any female contact aside from literal conversation for over a year. I wondered if I could even do what needed to be done to..well.. you know. My friends would all tell me I just needed to do what you did and "slay a few dragons" to clear out the cobwebs. 

I don't think I have ever felt like I wasn't manly enough. Those types of thoughts never entered in to my brain. I do take pride in the way I dress and have made some changed about myself since my last girlfriend. Sometimes you have to take that motivation of a bad relationship and make positive changes. I'm not the worst looking guy in the world and it mostly comes down to being able to talk to girls. I have to say that one thing I had over a lot of my friends in the military was "charm." It is true that a lot of guys these days use the uniform to get women, and those are the types of women I try to avoid. I almost felt like it was the equivalent of a cave-man beating a woman over the head and dragging her back to the cave by her foot. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there a lot and expect to be shot down. Just keep telling yourself that she wasn't that cute anyways. 

At age 25, you get to a tipping point. I was 24 and dating a 19 year old (oddly enough of Hispanic decent as well) and I found her very attractive. I actually didn't find out her age until later and was impressed with her maturity. Eventually, like you, I started to notice the age difference even of 5 years. It makes a difference. 

When you find the woman who can not only hold an intelligent conversation but be very beautiful in that way, those things that used to rev your engine will come right back. Sounds like your at the point where a deeper connection needs to be made, but don't force it or it will turn out horribly wrong. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 October 2012 at 7:30pm
Originally posted by __sneaky__ __sneaky__ wrote:

...can we all hold hands now?


As long as we sing Kumbaya . . . and OS leads.

Originally posted by Ceesman762 Ceesman762 wrote:

Originally posted by oldsoldier oldsoldier wrote:

. Lesson 1: If momma is not happy..No one is happy.

Oh so true....learn it now guys.


Ditto.

Originally posted by Snipa69 Snipa69 wrote:

As most have mentioned, we have all been there. I had the fear that I wouldn't even be able to perform in bed at the level I used to even with an incredibly gorgeous woman.

You won't.  You'll have to give up the gymnastics, ability to go for hours on end and the positions that you picked up by watching bad internet porn.  This isn't a loss as you will replace it with a compatibility, knowledge of your partner and comfort/commitment level that beats the tar out of the wild stuff of your youth.

Like you, I had a woman of extreme significance leave me. The plan with her was to get married and do that whole thing. My conclusion was that because she left in such a tragic way (Cheated on me numerous times and started her new relationship 6 months before we were over) it took a very large blow to my ego.

Been there . . . except I got rid of her because I realized I would never trust her again so it couldn't work.

It began to put thoughts in my head that no woman could be trusted and that all women were out to hurt me in some way. Because of this, I went without any female contact aside from literal conversation for over a year.

Nothing wrong with that.  I avoided an serious relationships for 10 years and then accidentally met the right woman. 

I wondered if I could even do what needed to be done to..well.. you know.

Unless the ex took your equipment in the settlement, this generally isn't a valid worry . . . if a problem does arise (or fails to, I guess) it shouldn't be looked at as failure but as a signal that you just aren't ready yet or that your subconscious is telling you the situation isn't right.

My friends would all tell me I just needed to do what you did and "slay a few dragons" to clear out the cobwebs.

This works for some people, the big thing for me was just becoming who I wanted to be and learning who that was.  (Not to say I didn't have some fun in the intervening time between marriages.)

I don't think I have ever felt like I wasn't manly enough. Those types of thoughts never entered in to my brain. I do take pride in the way I dress and have made some changed about myself since my last girlfriend. Sometimes you have to take that motivation of a bad relationship and make positive changes. I'm not the worst looking guy in the world and it mostly comes down to being able to talk to girls. I have to say that one thing I had over a lot of my friends in the military was "charm."

A lot of charm comes from self-confidence.

It is true that a lot of guys these days use the uniform to get women, and those are the types of women I try to avoid.

Good call.  Women like that are superficial and generally not anyone worth wasting your time on.*  Men who have to use that technique are the one's who should be evaluating their "manliness."

I almost felt like it was the equivalent of a cave-man beating a woman over the head and dragging her back to the cave by her foot. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there a lot and expect to be shot down. Just keep telling yourself that she wasn't that cute anyways.

And even if she was . . . there will always be more cute women.**

At age 25, you get to a tipping point. I was 24 and dating a 19 year old (oddly enough of Hispanic decent as well) and I found her very attractive. I actually didn't find out her age until later and was impressed with her maturity. Eventually, like you, I started to notice the age difference even of 5 years. It makes a difference.

Yes it does.***

When you find the woman who can not only hold an intelligent conversation but be very beautiful in that way, those things that used to rev your engine will come right back. Sounds like your at the point where a deeper connection needs to be made, but don't force it or it will turn out horribly wrong.

All so very true.  Some of the very things that OPBN mentioned above regarding trying to have a libido while dealing with issues of children, finances, etc help build those bonds.  To indirectly disagree with OPBN, a woman who can face those problems with a man and help equally, as a team member, in the solutions . . . now that is sexy.


Stories related to asterisks below:

* I went on a very short blind date with a friend of the wife of one of my friends.  We were about halfway to the restaurant (first stop of the day) and she had been blabbering about her plan to marry an Air Force officer so she could go to beauty school and make herself look pretty on a regular basis for him while she sat at home keeping his house.  She even knew where she was going to have him get stationed.  (Sad part is, she was old enough that she should have been beyond these types of fantasies.)  When I turned the car around and she asked where we were going my reply was something along the lines of I wasn't any of the things she was interested in, wasn't planning on becoming any of those things and had decided I didn't like her that much.  I told her I was taking her home and not only to not expect me to get her door when we got there but she would be lucky if I came to a complete stop.  (I did come to a complete stop to let her out . . . she had a mouth on her; which was another turn-off for me.)

** There always more cute women and oddly enough, they were willing even after "the speech."  It was along the lines of "if we get intimate, it doesn't mean we're getting married or even going to go out again, heck, we may not even like each other in the morning."  I would also explain I wasn't looking for anything permanent since my experience with my first marriage.    I never had a woman take the lets go to dinner and I'll drop you off at your home option after the speech . . .  not even once.

***  Right after my divorce, when I was just shy of 30, the very cute19-20 year old sister of a friend's wife show some serious interest in me.  Given the age difference and just coming out of an unpleasant marriage I figured this would be a bad idea.  I am still fairly certain I was right.


Edited by Mack - 10 October 2012 at 10:19pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote deadeye007 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 October 2012 at 7:31pm
If anyone is looking for an actual relationship I'd definitely recommend going 21+. The older you get the higher the risk for baggage, but they need to get some of the nightlife out of their system before getting into anything serious. (I know most people start partying as a teenager, but there is a difference between someone partying at houses and going to bars).


Edit* I also forgot to say that I had a girl rip my heart out and make me lose the ability to trust women. But, I found my wife after giving up on actively chasing females. Needless to say just live how you want to live and not try hard. You never know who you might run into.

Edited by deadeye007 - 10 October 2012 at 7:37pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lightningbolt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 October 2012 at 7:59pm
Some physical things that occur with older age like grey hair and baldness can't be avoided which may hurt your self esteem. Treating your body right and staying in shape are huge in so many ways.

You can maintain your manly abilities, and even improve on them as you get older. And that's a fact.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stratoaxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 October 2012 at 8:13pm
Yeah at 6 5 215 I'm less worried about the baldness haha...nobody even noticed when I cut my shag into a number 2 all around.

Mack...I enjoyed every word of that post. Alot of times you forget that billions of other people have dealt with or are currently dealing with some issue you've just encountered and survived the ordeal.

I think that alot of times us guys blame girls for changes we make when in reality we just came to realization that life was no longer working.

There's a reason so many self improvement books are aimed at women...men don't cope well with change, be out external or internal.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote __sneaky__ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 October 2012 at 8:37pm
Originally posted by stratoaxe stratoaxe wrote:

Originally posted by __sneaky__ __sneaky__ wrote:

...can we all hold hands now?

You can hold anything you want sneaky <3

Rofl-same here.
I lol'd pretty hard at this.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lightningbolt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 October 2012 at 6:56am
Originally posted by stratoaxe stratoaxe wrote:

Yeah at 6 5 215 I'm less worried about the baldness
.

Lol! At 5'11" 190, I have no worries here either. Just an occasional grey hair that's really hard to see. I think I gain more hair the older I get.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 October 2012 at 10:58am
Originally posted by Lightningbolt Lightningbolt wrote:

Originally posted by stratoaxe stratoaxe wrote:

Yeah at 6 5 215 I'm less worried about the baldness
.

Lol! At 5'11" 190, I have no worries here either. Just an occasional grey hair that's really hard to see. I think I gain more hair the older I get.


Around mid 30's the hair loss and gray started to be noticeable.  I put up with if for a few years then finally just shaved it off.  The girlfriend (now wife) loved the look (especially when I added the mandatory post-military retirement 'stache and goatee) and apparently I became even more attractive to other women.

The only thing I miss about hair is how much it actually did to keep sweat out of my eyes.  (Even worn short which was how I always preferred it.)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote oldpbnoob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 October 2012 at 12:58pm
Originally posted by Mack Mack wrote:

[Stories related to asterisks below:

*Me go on short blind date with friend of wife of Ogg  We halfway to tar pit to forage for food (first stop of day) and she grunting  about plan to be dragged off by Neandertal so she could pick wild berries and use  for makeup to make herself  pretty for him while she sit in cave and make bronto burgers.  She even know which tribe she want him hunting with.(Sad part is, she 18 winters old. She should have been nicer to Mack. As even then I vey old and dragged many women off into woods)  When I turn triceratops around and she ask 'where Mack go?" I reply that I am Cromagnon and not want her decide who I hunt with. If she want Neanderthal, she need date Grog!  I tell  her I take her back to her cave and not expect me to drag her by hair to door when we get there. She  lucky if I not let triceratops gore her when we get to cave.   (I did come to complete stop and kick her off . . . she threw sticks, rocks and feces at Mack; which was turn-off.)
Fixed.
 
*Sorry. Really bored today.


Edited by oldpbnoob - 11 October 2012 at 1:00pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote __sneaky__ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 October 2012 at 1:02pm
Originally posted by oldpbnoob oldpbnoob wrote:

Originally posted by Mack Mack wrote:

[Stories related to asterisks below:

*Me go on short blind date with friend of wife of Ogg  We halfway to tar pit to forage for food (first stop of day) and she grunting  about plan to be dragged off by Neandertal so she could pick wild berries and use  for makeup to make herself  pretty for him while she sit in cave and make bronto burgers.  She even know which tribe she want him hunting with.(Sad part is, she 18 winters old. She should have been nicer to Mack. As even then I vey old and dragged many women off into woods)  When I turn triceratops around and she ask 'where Mack go?" I reply that I am Cromagnon and not want her decide who I hunt with. If she want Neanderthal, she need date Grog!  I tell  her I take her back to her cave and not expect me to drag her by hair to door when we get there. She  lucky if I not let triceratops gore her when we get to cave.   (I did come to complete stop and kick her off . . . she threw sticks, rocks and feces at Mack; which was turn-off.)
Fixed.
 
*Sorry. Really bored today.
 LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stratoaxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 October 2012 at 1:28pm
Originally posted by __sneaky__ __sneaky__ wrote:


Originally posted by oldpbnoob oldpbnoob wrote:

Originally posted by Mack Mack wrote:

[Stories related to asterisks below:

*Me go on short blind date with friend of wife of Ogg  We halfway to tar pit to forage for food (first stop of day) and she grunting  about plan to be dragged off by Neandertal so she could pick wild berries and use  for makeup to make herself  pretty for him while she sit in cave and make bronto burgers.  She even know which tribe she want him hunting with.(Sad part is, she 18 winters old. She should have been nicer to Mack. As even then I vey old and dragged many women off into woods)  When I turn triceratops around and she ask 'where Mack go?" I reply that I am Cromagnon and not want her decide who I hunt with. If she want Neanderthal, she need date Grog!  I tell  her I take her back to her cave and not expect me to drag her by hair to door when we get there. She  lucky if I not let triceratops gore her when we get to cave.   (I did come to complete stop and kick her off . . . she threw sticks, rocks and feces at Mack; which was turn-off.)
Fixed.
 

*Sorry. Really bored today.
 LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 October 2012 at 10:36pm
Originally posted by oldpbnoob oldpbnoob wrote:

Originally posted by Mack Mack wrote:

[Stories related to asterisks below:

*Me go on short blind date with friend of wife of Ogg  We halfway to tar pit to forage for food (first stop of day) and she grunting  about plan to be dragged off by Neandertal so she could pick wild berries and use  for makeup to make herself  pretty for him while she sit in cave and make bronto burgers.  She even know which tribe she want him hunting with.(Sad part is, she 18 winters old. She should have been nicer to Mack. As even then I vey old and dragged many women off into woods)  When I turn triceratops around and she ask 'where Mack go?" I reply that I am Cromagnon and not want her decide who I hunt with. If she want Neanderthal, she need date Grog!  I tell  her I take her back to her cave and not expect me to drag her by hair to door when we get there. She  lucky if I not let triceratops gore her when we get to cave.   (I did come to complete stop and kick her off . . . she threw sticks, rocks and feces at Mack; which was turn-off.)
Fixed.
 
*Sorry. Really bored today.


Best laugh I've had in a while.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Snipa69 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 October 2012 at 1:23am
Haha I laughed pretty decently as well. 

And to the OP, don't worry..there is certainly light at the end of the tunnel. I have since rebounded long ago from those things I was so worried about after my ex. Time does heal certain wounds (I would disagree that it heals ALL wounds) so don't sweat this one out too much. In a short while, you will be laughing at the thought of making this thread. Just be prepared to put a few crazies under your belt and make sure you get out before things get too complicated. Unfortunately, with today's medicated generation/youth, it is bound to happen. I still haven't settled down yet, but it gets easier to spot women that aren't worth the time. Luckily, as Gatyr will remind everyone, I have my piercing blue eyes and charming personality to fall back on. That, and always tell yourself you can't POSSIBLY be the WORST looking thing out there. If anything, this is karma/faith/god/whatever you believe in telling you to focus on what makes you happy and a better person before you find someone else who compliments you. Don't try to find someone who completes you, but try to find someone who compliments and adds to you. 
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