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Growing up is awkward.

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stratoaxe View Drop Down
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    Posted: 09 October 2012 at 3:04am
Since I think you guys have pretty much heard my every political thesis, I thought I'd throw something completely different out there.

I think we've all posted things here and there about the horror show that is growing up, but I'm discovering an even more depressing side of things. Up front, my intention is to have a mature, PG rated thread here. If we succeed this could be a forum first.

I don't know how to enjoy boot knocking anymore.

To be clear I'm talking about the human reproductive process. It's not that I find sex less enjoyable, it's that the things that used to rev my engine don't even bump the accelerator any more.

Since my fiancee left I've avoided relationships like the plague. With school and work I have to lose sleep just to make time for borderlands 2 (which I've only half finished) and I make little to no effort to elevate members of the opposite sex above friend status.

Last weekend I decided I needed to take the plunge and just go find a lady of low moral character (again PG.) I find myself at a party with some friends at a semi local hotel near DFW. I meet this interesting Hispanic high schooler (she was 18...) and we hit it off decently well but I find myself feeling, weird I guess. The age gap is becoming more and more apparent, far more so than I thought I would at 25. After about two hours of mild contact (PG) I got bored and decided to go home.

Fast forward to this weekend and I get a call from a friend I've always been fairly attracted to saying her boyfriend dumped her and she needed some no strings attached study time (PG) so I say sure thing and drive over.

I make an hour and a half drive, get there, and she totally meant business. Me on the other hand, I wanted to talk (I swear God I've heard every female joke known to man from my friends so don't bother) but it didn't work. I found myself in the most awkward wrestling match (PG) of my life and the entire time I could only think of how I wanted it to end.

After probably two hours of being very inhumanely abused with no positive outcome for myself (PG) I gave up and she went to sleep while I talked to her,weinee dog (that one's not a metaphor, it's just sad.)

TL;DR...I feel like a woman. I'm tired of meaningless frolicking and I want to have an actual relationship but find that my position in life didn't allow for it. This is by far the least manly I've ever felt. And I've worn a dress.




Edited by stratoaxe - 09 October 2012 at 3:06am
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tallen702 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tallen702 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 5:56am
Fairly typical. Don't worry about it. I quit wanting to have random hook-ups around the same age. It's a good thing as ultimately it'll help you find someone you're truly emotionally invested in, rather than someone you just really like knocking boots with. Your friends are either A) too immature to realize there's more to a relationship than the horizontal mambo or B) faking it to look manly in front of said other friends.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote __sneaky__ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 10:03am

Tell her to wear something sexy next time. a pink mesh glove should do the trick. ;)



In all seriousness though, I agree with Tallen. Random hook-ups can be fun, but it will never be the same thing as bumping fuzzies with a girl you care about on an emotional level. You shouldn't feel un-manly, but you shouldn't feel like a frat boy.



*Also, I'd like a little more elaboration on you wearing a dress.


Edited by __sneaky__ - 09 October 2012 at 10:03am
"I AM a crossdresser." -Reb Cpl


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stratoaxe View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stratoaxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 10:04am
That's actually pretty relieving. I was starting to get worried I had a medical condition

I guess I can look forward to Matlock and yelling at teenagers soon.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stratoaxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 10:07am
Sneaky,.somewhere there's a picture of me wearing a girlfriend's frilly 80s dress. Of course, if my letters to Santa paid off that person died in a manure fire so you'll never see them :)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tallen702 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 10:37am
It's scientific fact that guys hit their sexual stride in the late teens to early 20's, after that, we start to lose interest in tapping everything that moves and has tatas. You're just settling into the phase of life where you start getting down to business and are looking to settle down with the right kind of girl.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jmac3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 11:21am
Im 25....I feel the same way. Though I am weird and have felt it for a long time. Random hookups never interested me( and no not because I had no chance).

Also I broke up with my last girlfriend because I was tired all the time on the weekend when she had off. I was like "woman I work a full time job Friday-Sunday die in a fire"
Que pasa?


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DeTrevni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 11:34am
Well, you are doing better than me, in a physiological sense. I never got into the whole random hookups thing due to a shattered self-confidence. I was/am convinced I was/am not "good" enough, so I never/don't bother to try. Even when I had a girlfriend, I was more worried how she perceived me sexually to even enjoy myself. My almost literally nonexistent self-confidence cost me the best years of my life, and I honestly question what I have to look forward to.

So yeah. King's to you; you win.

Edited by DeTrevni - 09 October 2012 at 11:38am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote usafpilot07 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 11:43am
Originally posted by DeTrevni DeTrevni wrote:

Well, you are doing better than me, in a physiological sense. I never got into the whole random hookups thing due to a shattered self-confidence. I was/am convinced I was/am not "good" enough, so I never/don't bother to try. Even when I had a girlfriend, I was more worried how she perceived me sexually to even enjoy myself. My almost literally nonexistent self-confidence cost me the best years of my life, and I honestly question what I have to look forward to.

So yeah. King's to you; you win.


Trying to look at any small number of years as "the best years of your life" is a totally unhealthy way to look at things. I'm assuming we're about the same age, so there's a good chance you have 75% of your life still ahead of you. That whole "cherish it, you'll never be so happy again" is the biggest line of bull**edited** fed down to young people by miserable older people who only remember the good parts of their youth, and none of the unique stresses growing up can bring with it.

Each year of your life is what you make of it.
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DeTrevni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 11:52am
I try to tell myself that, and it's only logical, but already I have regrets for a life wasted. I'm doing better now than I was in the past, no doubt, but once I get into a negative mindset, especially one that's lingered over me for so long, I can't just escape it. But this isn't a "pitty DeTrevni" thread. I just wanted to give Strat some perspective.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SSOK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 12:04pm
DeTrev, FWIW most of the people who had "the best time of their lives during the best years of their lives" wind up dead by your age, or on some miserable downward spiral.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stratoaxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 12:06pm
I appreciate it DeTrev but let me just throw out there that I've dealt with pretty low self esteem as well. I'm certainly no Gatyr, I've just been lucky enough to grow up in an area with lots of compassionate girls

I think that most guys such as myself get into the one night stand funk becauseof self esteem issues. A relationship is much harder and demands more character than just sex...I think that's why all but two girls I've ever been with were under 21. Until I get out of this little ditch that I'm in I wouldn't know what to do with an actual full grown female.

I'm 25 and I'd say I'm living the best years of my life. I got laid more a few years ago but really the biggest indicator that life's gotten better is that getting laid is no longer a point of measurement for me. I think that, occasional sexual frustration side, getting into college and taking in so many outside perspectiveshadhad really helped me.

So don't define your best years into you've lived them. Girls come and go and to some degree you can't control that, but you always get laid again. It's almost a guarantee unless you physically try not to. I can empathize though, I think that the modern male is slowly trading places with the female I'm society. Women are now coming out of college with the to degrees and are usurping the male place as the sexually dominant gender. Now us guys are all raging metrosexuals meticulously judging ourselves the way girls used to.

I want the 70s back, where all you needed was a beard, a low cut shirt, and a trans am.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stratoaxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 12:08pm
Damn android autocorrect. I'm not editing all that, y'all can figure it out lol.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kayback Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 12:58pm
Originally posted by stratoaxe stratoaxe wrote:

... usurping the male place as the sexually dominant gender. Now us guys are all raging metrosexuals meticulously judging ourselves the way girls used to.

I want the 70s back, where all you needed was a beard, a low cut shirt, and a trans am.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DeTrevni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 1:13pm
Originally posted by Kayback Kayback wrote:

Originally posted by stratoaxe stratoaxe wrote:

... usurping the male place as the sexually dominant gender. Now us guys are all raging metrosexuals meticulously judging ourselves the way girls used to.

I want the 70s back, where all you needed was a beard, a low cut shirt, and a trans am.


Your Mancard has been officially revoked. Please hand it in for destruction.


This is exactly the crux of it! Of people like me...

The question that is on the back of my mind at all times is, "Am I manly enough?" It's a self-defeating question! If I even ask, the answer is automatically "no." Just asking is an indicator of the lack of confidence in my own masculinity. Some people who ask the question too much try to validate their masculinity through banging bimbos and just being competitive (in an animalistic sense). "Frat boys," as it were. The opposite end of the spectrum for the question-askers is an acceptance of lack of confidence, which is where I suffer. Before I even begin, I accept that I'm not good enough, or what have you, so I abandon the idea. The specific area I suffer from is sexuality, and it's a vicious cycle. I can't get any because I lack confidence, and I lack confidence because I can't get any. What the hell am I supposed to do? I can't just say "get over it and get over her." My mental barrier simply prevents that!

Edit: I did it again. Sorry, I don't want to thread-jack...


Edited by DeTrevni - 09 October 2012 at 1:15pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stratoaxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 4:28pm
Kayback-Dammit I just got that back :(

DeTrev-don't define yourself.by your perception of masculinity. There are Burt Reynolds and there are johnny depps, and guess who women prefer? The johnny depps.

I'm very girly. I have my playlist organized by chick song-guy song so I can easily switch at red lights. But I'm also into cars, guns, hunting, etc. Most people think I'm gay when they first meet me and assume I'm a liberal gay boy who drives a prius.

The point is I accept what I am and I'm confident in it. A girl likes cowboys or bad boy types? I'll talk to her anyway because you never know when a girl is just really wanting some intelligent conversation and you're gonna be the guy who provides it. You have no idea how many times I've gotten laid inviting a girlover to watch a Disney movie or listen to John Mayer. It's all about confidence, not looks, money, or manliness.

Embrace whatever you classify yourself as and be funny about it. It takes girls of guard.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote *Stealth* Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 4:50pm
ITT: Stratoaxe and Detrevni tackle the issue of heterogeneity by flirting with one another.

:P 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tallen702 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 5:02pm
Okay Strato and DeTrevni,

Every morning, I want you to wake up, take a shower, brush your teeth, look in the mirror and tell yourselves "Damn I'm Good!"

Okay, so maybe not like that, but in the other things you do. I was a high school outcast with no friends who only had a few friends in College and have probably about the same now that I'm out of school. I'm not a popular guy and women don't get a damp in the panties when I walk by. But when I do something, and do it well, I own it. I take a look at what I've made/done/said and tell the world that, "Dammit, I'm THAT frikken good baby!" And when I do that, it gives my confidence a boost and it then carries over into other things I do. You do that enough, and it works its way into your everyday life and people notice it. It's not the false sense of bravado that fratboys and "bros" exude, it's the real deal and worthwhile women (and men) can tell the difference. Does that mean I don't ever go "damn, I wish I had a six-pack and all my hair?" Of course not! But the confidence I carry from the things I CAN control outweighs the negative of the self doubt and it shows. So, next time you do something that you know is the shiznit, pat yourself on the back and hold onto it.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tallen702 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 5:04pm
Originally posted by *Stealth* *Stealth* wrote:

ITT: Stratoaxe and Detrevni tackle the issue of heterogeneity by flirting with one another.

:P 


It's kinda like that time you and I worked out our heterosexuality with that bottle of honey and some pictures we stole off FB of Gatyr......   

I kid! I kid!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote *Stealth* Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 October 2012 at 5:15pm
I can't speak for you, but Gatyr personally gave me those photos.


... and they were beautiful. 
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