Food Etiquette

Am I the only straight male on the planet that obsesses on food etiquette?

I mean, not to the point of proper silverware, napkin placement or, elbows on the table. But the actual way you eat your food.

I hate eating out with people I don't know, because inevitably there will be that one person that eats with their mouth wide open and makes the most godawful smacking noise you can imagine. It's a point of huge contention for me, because while generally I'm the picture of laid back, this is something I'll call people out on shamelessly.

Oh, and next time you're out with one of those people, if you'll watch closely you'll notice they not only eat with their mouths open, they generally only speak with their mouths full. Like they'll actually get quiet in between bites, then start up again when they want to show you that lovely massive bite of hamburger they just took. The sound is something like a pig smother in a pile of mud, gasping for air while it tried to dig itself out. This is right up there with puppy hunting and crucifix violation with me.

And pro tip-if you're overweight, eating like this doesn't help your image AT ALL.

Is it just me, or does anyone else get neurotic about this?

hmm...

I try to avoid eating with a mouth full of food, but that doesn't mean I think it's the worst thing ever.  Etiquette is a joke.

And all the grammar mistakes in that post = iPhone.

Glassjaw wrote: I try to avoid eating with a mouth full of food,

Smacking has got to be the worst noise ever. I have no idea why, but something about it resonates within me. I actually get angry when people smack. Another one of those things I hate but shouldn't...

I have been known to go from 100% happy to basically willing to kill someone the second the smack their food or talk with their mouth open. A buddy of mine thought I was kidding one time when we sat down at the dinner table when I said very firmly "Do NOT chew with your G** D*** mouth open!" He then proceeded to look at me, open his mouth with food in it, and subsequently shut it in a millisecond when he saw me pick up the knife next to my plate ready to jump at him and cut his tongue out.  

I hate watching people that do not know how to properly hold utensils or that the napkin belongs on their lap, not scrunched up next to their plate while they eat. Loud gum chewing drives me insane, as do people that sing along to the radio in the car. Especially if it's a song that I like.

There is only one thing worse than gum chewing for me-ice chewing. Ice chewing is like an unholy amalgam of everything that makes me want to go on a killing spree-slurping, smacking, and mouth open crunching. Dear lord.

Tical3.0 wrote: Me and my friends were talking about this topic the other night when we went out for dinner because they thought it was strange that I took my hat off at the table. The only thing people do that bothers me at the dinner table is the whole chewing with the mouth open/talking.