Tippmann Pneumatics Inc. Homepage
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login

Huh?

 Post Reply Post Reply
Author
Mack View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Has no impulse! control

Joined: 13 January 2004
Location: 2nd Circle
Status: Offline
Points: 9815
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: Huh?
    Posted: 22 February 2011 at 12:35pm
The following is a letter to the editor from the 21 Feb edition of our local paper. I couldn't find a link, but the author was just so "out there" that I decided to retype the entire letter here for everyone's amusement.  Any misspellings/typos are probably mine and the name (although printed in the paper) was withheld to protect the terminally without a life:

Case against dogs
I notice the Tribune has been printing a lot of anti-dog propaganda lately with stories about cuddly canines causing traffic fatalities and spreading disease.  Good!  It's about time.  The case against "canis familiaris" is overwhelming. 

The "good book" spills a bean or two about the ignoble cur, as in Proverbs 26:11, "As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly."  This also sheds illumination on why our two species are so simpatico, but that is only the beginning of the vile habits of "man's best fiend."* 

He barks and yaps incessantly.  He licks his crotch and then wants to lick your face.  He defecates and sheds everywhere.  He is coprophagous.  He is randomly randy and doesn't care who knows it.  he bites people.  He chews things up.  He abjectly grovels to humans, disgracing his noble lineage.  He is a horrible example for children, unless you want your child to grow up to be a mooching parasite with filthy habits.

Readers who believe a "however" is coming are wrong.  The tiny percentage of dogs that are actually intelligent and useful is statistically insignificant.  Legends of canine loyalty are largely baloney.  For every Greyfriars Bobby or Old Shep (assuming those yarns to be true), there are millions of promiscuous pooches that will lick the hand of anyone who deigns to feed them.  There are also the cases of shut-in mongrels that resort to eating their dead masters.


*Correctly quoted for those who are curious.
Back to Top
Benjichang View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar
I pwned Leroy Jenkins!

Joined: 03 January 2004
Location: R'lyeh
Status: Offline
Points: 12518
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benjichang Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2011 at 12:40pm
This reads like something William Randolph Hearst wrote about dogs.
Back to Top
Mack View Drop Down
Moderator Group
Moderator Group
Avatar
Has no impulse! control

Joined: 13 January 2004
Location: 2nd Circle
Status: Offline
Points: 9815
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2011 at 12:43pm
^^^  I'll have to look that up now.
Back to Top
FreeEnterprise View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar
Not a card-carrying member of the DNC

Joined: 14 October 2008
Location: Trails Of Doom
Status: Offline
Points: 4779
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FreeEnterprise Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2011 at 12:43pm

I wonder what he thinks about cats...

They tremble at my name...
Back to Top
Benjichang View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar
I pwned Leroy Jenkins!

Joined: 03 January 2004
Location: R'lyeh
Status: Offline
Points: 12518
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benjichang Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2011 at 12:48pm
Originally posted by Mack Mack wrote:

^^^  I'll have to look that up now.
I guess I should rephrase that: This reads like something William Randolph Hearst would have written about dogs if he chose to do so.
Back to Top
procarbinefreak View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar
Budget Medical Procedures Available

Joined: 12 June 2002
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 12750
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote procarbinefreak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2011 at 1:09pm
Originally posted by FreeEnterprise FreeEnterprise wrote:

I wonder what he thinks about cats...


Loves them to death... probably has 35 of em.
Back to Top
oldpbnoob View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar
Not old, Not noob. May be Dave's grandma

Joined: 04 February 2008
Location: Yankee Stadium
Status: Offline
Points: 5676
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote oldpbnoob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2011 at 3:45pm

Sounds like something our drunken narcoleptic mayor would have written if she wasn't illiterate.

"When I grow up I want to marry a rich man and live in a condor next to the beach" -- My 7yr old daughter.
Back to Top
mbro View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar
Original Forum Gangster

Joined: 11 June 2002
Location: Isle Of Man
Status: Offline
Points: 10743
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mbro Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2011 at 10:37pm
Originally posted by oldpbnoob oldpbnoob wrote:

Sounds like something our drunken narcoleptic mayor would have written if she wasn't illiterate.

Story time?
Back to Top
oldpbnoob View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar
Not old, Not noob. May be Dave's grandma

Joined: 04 February 2008
Location: Yankee Stadium
Status: Offline
Points: 5676
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote oldpbnoob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2011 at 11:41pm
Originally posted by mbro mbro wrote:

Originally posted by oldpbnoob oldpbnoob wrote:

Sounds like something our drunken narcoleptic mayor would have written if she wasn't illiterate.

Story time?
Pretty much the extent of it. Every once in awhile, she writes a letter to the editor that is so fractured in thought, that it sounds like a sciztophrenic composed it. Esentially, she gets voted into office every year because no one else wants the job. And she is truly narcoleptiic. Not 100% sure about the drunken part, but at the least she is bats..t crazy.

Edited by oldpbnoob - 23 February 2011 at 11:42pm
"When I grow up I want to marry a rich man and live in a condor next to the beach" -- My 7yr old daughter.
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 10.03

This page was generated in 0.155 seconds.