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Your morning, probably better than my morning.

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agentwhale007 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 16 February 2011 at 12:08pm
Sorry if this post is too gross for the family-friendly forum. If it is, mods, feel free to delete it. 

So, as you may have read from the thread on squatting, for the past few days I've been sick with some kind of stomach flu. I have no idea what it is, but deduction says it is from the amount of post-nasal drip coming from my head and into my digestive track. 

Either way, I feel like I've chugged a gallon of Mexican tap water. 

Last night I was up about every hour to release thine unholy springs from my Netherlands, so by the morning time I was hideously dehydrated. 

Downstairs, I slowly drank a tall glass of Gatorade. 

It settled pretty well, so I decided to take a bit of a risk and eat some Cheerios. 

I attributed my total feeling of awfulness partially to the fact that I'm hypoglycemic, and the only thing I'd managed to keep in my system without it coming out either end was a half of a chicken breast, cooked in the oven and diced up. And that was Monday evening. Everything else since then my stomach has immediately rejected. 

The Cheerios were consumed slowly, testing the digestive waters. 

Things were actually going quite well, from what it seemed. 

Then, I felt the rumblings of another call of Angel Falls needing to exit my lower half, so I scurried upstairs to the bathroom. 

Halfway through that process, my body decided that right then, it was going to reject the Cheerios. I did not have much time to react. 

My options were as follows: 

  • Stand up and turn around, with my head facing the toilet now filled with my own shame
  • Find some other place to vomit. 
Seeing as I was concerned that the straining from vomiting could potentially turn the wall behind me into a terrible, nightmarish Jackson Pollock, I realized that staying seated was the only option for positioning. 

Ok, so now what to choose as a receptacle? 

The bathroom garbage can? 

Nope, it's full of assorted bathroom garbage things that never get dumped into the main trash and taken out, and therefore it almost overflowing. Going in that is going to make a bigger mess than I want to deal with.

The only choice I saw was the tub.

So, I leaned over and let loose. 

There I was, evil exiting me from both ends, dizzy from dehydration and gripping the towel rack with whatever strength I had left in order to not slip into the tub. After a few (15) minutes of sitting on the throne and staring at the ceiling, I closed my eyes and almost took a small nap. Or passed out. Not sure.


As far as awful mornings go, I think I may have actually beat Reb on this one.  



"So when Romney wins in a landslide, what will the liberal media do?"
This Ma**edited**hine Kills **edited**as**edited**ists.




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evillepaintball View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote evillepaintball Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2011 at 12:14pm
I lold pretty hard, but only because I have been in that position before when I was younger.  I chose to Jackson Pollock the floor.   Good luck kicking it.
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Mack View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mack Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2011 at 12:14pm
Mix the Gatorade with water (50/50) it's easier on the stomach.

Stick with dry toast for food.

Sorry to hear you're under the weather.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote High Voltage Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2011 at 12:16pm
That's a rough morning, I must admit. It is also a situation I've encountered once. I quickly grabbed a kleenex and smashed the trash down to make room.

Hope you start feeling better soon. I can't imagine how fun a repeat of that would be, though you probably won't let the bathroom trash fill up like that again.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Benjichang Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2011 at 12:23pm
I like to call being in scenarios such as this, "making an executive decision."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote agentwhale007 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2011 at 12:27pm
Originally posted by Mack Mack wrote:

Mix the Gatorade with water (50/50) it's easier on the stomach.

I've been staggering the Gatorade with drinking a glass of water after, but mixing is probably a good idea too. 

Originally posted by Mack Mack wrote:

Stick with dry toast for food.
 

I'm going to do this from now on. Last night I was feeling really tense in my everywhere muscles, which I attributed to a lack of potassium. In turn, I ate a banana for dinner. 

This morning, all I could taste was bananas coming back up. 

Originally posted by High Voltage High Voltage wrote:

I quickly grabbed a kleenex and smashed the trash down to make room.

Looking back, that would have been a better plan. When I woke up from my passing-out nap and turned the shower on, I realized that the undigested chunks of Cheerios didn't go down the drain. 



Edited by agentwhale007 - 16 February 2011 at 12:28pm
"So when Romney wins in a landslide, what will the liberal media do?"
This Ma**edited**hine Kills **edited**as**edited**ists.




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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DaveEllis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2011 at 1:17pm
Originally posted by agentwhale007 agentwhale007 wrote:

 
Looking back, that would have been a better plan. When I woke up from my passing-out nap and turned the shower on, I realized that the undigested chunks of Cheerios didn't go down the drain. 


As a man who has vomited undigested macaroni and cheese into the bathtub I can tell you the only veritable solution is to mash it down with your toes.

Welcome to your new reality.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote stratoaxe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2011 at 1:45pm
Yeah, a buddy of mine decided to prove his drinking abilities a couple of months back AFTER eating 20 bucks worth of Taco Bell. After he downed a bottle of Jäger, I found him puking into my Water Pik reservoir, and when that overflowed he made his way to the sink, then to the bath tub. Not once in the toilet mind you.

So his night involved being hosed down and yelled at naked in the front yard at 3 in the morning in front of the neighbors who were partying in the dead of winter. Until he was alert enough to clean up the unholy terror he left in my bathroom.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rofl_Mao Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2011 at 9:20pm
Being on the Porcelain Throne and having to Woof your Cookies is not a fun position to be in... actually one of the worst things to have to happen to me while being sick.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote brihard Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2011 at 11:25pm
Is it in your raccoon wounds?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Reb Cpl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 February 2011 at 6:38am
Holy wow.
Here's to hoping for a recovery that doesn't waste any time getting here.






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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tallen702 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 February 2011 at 11:01am
Norovirus sucks doesn't it Whale?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote oldpbnoob Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 February 2011 at 12:21pm

Ouch. Hope you feel better soon.

"When I grow up I want to marry a rich man and live in a condor next to the beach" -- My 7yr old daughter.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote agentwhale007 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 February 2011 at 1:32pm
Originally posted by tallen702 tallen702 wrote:

Norovirus sucks doesn't it Whale?


Negative.

After chatting with some folks with medical know-how, seeing as it started after a bit of a heavy bout of sinus problems, what I have is a case of way too much post-nasal drip entering my digestive track.

The main evidence in support of this is the absurd shade of bright green that my  . . . downward expulsions, so to speak . . . took on during this whole process. The vomiting too, it's my stomach's way of attempting to even out the fact that it got filled up with mucus.

So, unless snot is food, I managed to avoid food poisoning.

Also, slept up-right in my recliner last night and woke up feeling better, as far as the whole vomiting and stomach troubles go. Apparently snot is less likely to flow into the stomach when upright.

After typing that all out it sounds incredibly gross.
"So when Romney wins in a landslide, what will the liberal media do?"
This Ma**edited**hine Kills **edited**as**edited**ists.




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