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Mephistopheles View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mephistopheles Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:26pm
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dune Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:27pm
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sportsman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:27pm
I guess this guy is really popular among paintball players.

Listen, I'll try not to be annoying. What was wrong with that coat?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cedric Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:27pm
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote piranhakiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:28pm
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gatyr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:30pm
If you can see chuck norris, chuck norris can see you.

If you cant see chuck norris, you are 2 seconds away from death.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cedric Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:31pm
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tae Kwon Do Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:31pm


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mephistopheles Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:32pm
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MP Sniper Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:32pm
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MP Sniper Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:33pm
When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MP Sniper Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:34pm
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mephistopheles Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:34pm
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mephistopheles Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:35pm
Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote piranhakiller Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:35pm
A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until the man exploded.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote L337Republican Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:35pm

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.



Edited by L337Republican - 15 January 2006 at 11:37pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dune Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:39pm

Chuck Norris does not sleep...he waits.

Chuck Norris has one word for the people he puts into comas. That word is "lucky."

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Sportsman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:41pm
Chuck Norris is the NWO.

Listen, I'll try not to be annoying. What was wrong with that coat?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MP Sniper Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 January 2006 at 11:42pm

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gatyr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 January 2006 at 12:00pm
Originally posted by L337Republican L337Republican wrote:

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.


Win.

Chuck Norris won sexiest man of the year 14 times....in 2 years.
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