Cutting

I'm open about it in case somebody else needs to talk to somebody going through similar troubles.

Oh, I dont think threads like these are a problem. Infact I look forward to them.

I just dont like the ones that are people telling me they are going to bed because they are bored.

I should have been more clear.

I'd rather cry then inflict pain upon myself. Studies show that men who cry live longer.

When I havent sleep for a long period of time I will break a few tears at something that will set me off. It can be anything from a song from the past that stirs up a memory or a sad news story.

Edited by Hades

I have a ladyfreind in Texas that I talk to. It usually helps.

After a particularly bad break down I went to see a doctor. I was diagnosed bipolar, axis II and I take lithium for it. (Long story about my compunctions) It helps, and everything was awesome for a year and then another big breakdown. Now I'm trying other things to go with it, but most meds make me feel like crap physically.

I write to vent the emotion, and that helps a lot. I wrote a short story, "Falling," that deals with this and it made my creative writing teacher cry. I consider it one of my better writings. I have an slightly early draft here: Falling - by Christopher M.

If anybody has comments, good or bad, let me know. I'm very eager to hear them.

Edited by reifidom

reifidom wrote: When I can't stand the way I'm feeling I beat myself in the head as hard as I can. I get bad tastes in my mouth, my ears ring constantly, and I see flashes of light sometimes. I've been doing this since I can remember. At least 23 years. In the past I've also hit inanimate objects until my knuckles are shredded. I don't feel a thing. However I get queasy if I start to direct that physical rage at another person.

The similarities between this and my own expierences when I get angered are frighteningly similar. I don't beat myself in the head, though.

I've done considerable damage to my hands at times hitting everything from metal bathroom stall walls to trees.

It's freaky how little feeling there is when the punches are flying. It's like I've just zoned out. The worst damage I've taken would have to be from wooden bleachers or the outside shingles of my house. Those shingles were like punching sandpaper, and I knocked pictures off the other side of the wall.

Cant say Ive ever dont that.

It turn my pain inwards, Bottle it up so noone can find it I always say.

Let it come out in therapy later.

My friend punches crap.  I hate that he does it because he really screws his hand up sometimes, but I can't get him to stop.

I used to bang my head on the floor when I was mad, when I was a little kid. I've hit stuff a few times when I'm mad, but not much. It has been a long time since the last time.  Most of the time I just end up throwing stuff.  I'm just not into the pain stuff.  I'm a puss.

Monk wrote: It turn my pain inwards, Bottle it up so noone can find it I always say.

Thats what I end up doing most of the time.

NotDaveEllis wrote: I'm to much of a sissy to cut myself.

Haha, amen to that.


Edited by Hysteria

Wow, i wasnt expecting this when i signed on today.

Yes went through a period when i cut. I used to cut regularly, always in places where you couldnt see. I have scars on my back, and on both my triceps, i was really sensitive about it. I collect knives. And when something would go wrong, or i felt the urge to cut, i would spread out all the knives, and pick wich one i wanted to cut myself with. Thinking back, it was a lot like a kid in a candy store, if it was particularly bad, i would use a serated spyderco.

I remember, my grandmother bumped into me, i had fresh cuts on my tricep, and they bled through my shirt, i ran into the house and changed shirts. I cut to escape, i cut to have some sort of pain greater than the pain that i was feeling inside. Its very very addicting, and very hard to stop. Whenever i am having a tough time. I look at this little white bin that i store all my knives in, it sits on top of my book cases, and i think. "You know, it would feel a lot better, two or three quick cuts, and its absolution, peace, it would be easy." I think back, i think back to when i used to drag a blade across my arm praying for the currage to press down, remembering how terrified about the path i was going down i was.

Dont blame the cutter, its not something one wants to do, its just, its easier. And its very tough to stop. And its also nice to know you arent alone. Cutters need different things to stop. Sometimes its a swift kick in the pants, others need a friend to speak to them bluntly, others need silent support.