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reifidom View Drop Down
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Zatoichi

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote reifidom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:04pm
I'm open about it in case somebody else needs to talk to somebody going through similar troubles.

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crazy_dave View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crazy_dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:05pm
hey, man id rather hear other ppls probs then hearing about
some kid in red lake mn shooting up a school
Real guns have gills.
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Hades View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hades Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:09pm
Oh, I dont think threads like these are a problem. Infact I look forward to them.

I just dont like the ones that are people telling me they are going to bed because they are bored.

I should have been more clear.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crazy_dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:11pm
I'm a man, i got kahones and i still will after this statement.

Sometimes, I can't handle it, I'll just break down and cry,
sometimes i dont even know something in my life is wrong and
i'll cry anyways, it rarely happens. But when i get depressed i
get REALLY depressed, i dont get blue i get black i'm so sad
sometimes.
Real guns have gills.
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Hades View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hades Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:12pm
I'd rather cry then inflict pain upon myself. Studies show that men who cry live longer.

When I havent sleep for a long period of time I will break a few tears at something that will set me off. It can be anything from a song from the past that stirs up a memory or a sad news story.

Edited by Hades

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crazy_dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:15pm
ok, we have talked quite a bit about our problems, but how
many of us have gone to someone with them?


I told my Mom. Not like i could hide it, i cried right in front of
her...Well she walked in.
Real guns have gills.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hades Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:17pm
I have a ladyfreind in Texas that I talk to. It usually helps.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crazy_dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:25pm
Ehh...i got something to tell you all.

Some of you might know that i work @ McDonalds

Well yesterday i was closing with a bunch of ppl i know and are
friends with. Bruce, Long, Tray(Teresa), Steven, And me.

Well it was an on off night busy here and there, also dead here
and there.

Belive me i was bored.

Ok what i did, is i grabbed a burger bun, and i made it into a
smal compact ball, it was pretty heavy, and Bruce is all like,
what the hell are you doing?

haha and i said, "nothing sorry man, this bun was old", and hes
all like "oh, alright"

I handed it to him after making it into a ball, and i said "hey
Bruce, throw it, at my chest"...i didnt want the managers to
see(Tray and Steven) well, they watched anyways... and he
made that beast fly like a sesna.

And it flew towards my stomach/chest hit me, it left a welt. it got
all red that night. i still have the welt, i didn't feel anything, i dont
remember feeling any pain. i waned him to do it again, and
then i thught about what we are talking about, inflicting pain on
ourselves to "get away"

But then, i didnt tell him to do it again.
Real guns have gills.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote reifidom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:25pm
After a particularly bad break down I went to see a doctor. I was diagnosed bipolar, axis II and I take lithium for it. (Long story about my compunctions) It helps, and everything was awesome for a year and then another big breakdown. Now I'm trying other things to go with it, but most meds make me feel like crap physically.

I write to vent the emotion, and that helps a lot. I wrote a short story, "Falling," that deals with this and it made my creative writing teacher cry. I consider it one of my better writings. I have an slightly early draft here: Falling - by Christopher M.

If anybody has comments, good or bad, let me know. I'm very eager to hear them.

Edited by reifidom

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crazy_dave Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:28pm
Originally posted by Hades Hades wrote:

I have a ladyfreind in Texas that I talk to. It
usually helps.
annonymous friends like that, penpals
have helped me too.
Real guns have gills.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Reb Cpl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:48pm

Originally posted by reifidom reifidom wrote:

When I can't stand the way I'm feeling I beat myself in the head as hard as I can. I get bad tastes in my mouth, my ears ring constantly, and I see flashes of light sometimes. I've been doing this since I can remember. At least 23 years. In the past I've also hit inanimate objects until my knuckles are shredded. I don't feel a thing.

However I get queasy if I start to direct that physical rage at another person.

The similarities between this and my own expierences when I get angered are frighteningly similar. I don't beat myself in the head, though.

I've done considerable damage to my hands at times hitting everything from metal bathroom stall walls to trees.



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bolt3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:54pm
I knew someone who used to but they stopped.

I've never had much of an interest in doing that to myself.

It's a really bad thing.
<Removed sig for violation of Clause 4 of the New Sig Rules>
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote reifidom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:55pm
It's freaky how little feeling there is when the punches are flying. It's like I've just zoned out. The worst damage I've taken would have to be from wooden bleachers or the outside shingles of my house. Those shingles were like punching sandpaper, and I knocked pictures off the other side of the wall.

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MY CAPS LOCK IS STUCK HELP!!!!!!!!!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote youm0nt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:56pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Monk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:57pm
Cant say Ive ever dont that.

It turn my pain inwards, Bottle it up so noone can find it I always say.

Let it come out in therapy later.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NotDaveEllis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 2:58pm
I'm to much of a sissy to cut myself.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hysteria Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 3:05pm
My friend punches crap.  I hate that he does it because he really screws his hand up sometimes, but I can't get him to stop.

I used to bang my head on the floor when I was mad, when I was a little kid. I've hit stuff a few times when I'm mad, but not much. It has been a long time since the last time.  Most of the time I just end up throwing stuff.  I'm just not into the pain stuff.  I'm a puss.

Originally posted by Monk Monk wrote:


It turn my pain inwards, Bottle it up so noone can find it I always say.


Thats what I end up doing most of the time.

Originally posted by NotDaveEllis NotDaveEllis wrote:

I'm to much of a sissy to cut myself.


Haha, amen to that.


Edited by Hysteria
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BlackDeath7 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 3:35pm
I haven't cut or considered cutting although I know people who have.
There is no point to it, it's dumber than smoking pot.  If someone does do it, they need help ASAP.

Brett Favre gets sacked again.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DBibeau855 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 3:59pm
Wow, i wasnt expecting this when i signed on today.

Yes went through a period when i cut. I used to cut regularly, always in places where you couldnt see. I have scars on my back, and on both my triceps, i was really sensitive about it. I collect knives. And when something would go wrong, or i felt the urge to cut, i would spread out all the knives, and pick wich one i wanted to cut myself with. Thinking back, it was a lot like a kid in a candy store, if it was particularly bad, i would use a serated spyderco.

I remember, my grandmother bumped into me, i had fresh cuts on my tricep, and they bled through my shirt, i ran into the house and changed shirts. I cut to escape, i cut to have some sort of pain greater than the pain that i was feeling inside. Its very very addicting, and very hard to stop. Whenever i am having a tough time. I look at this little white bin that i store all my knives in, it sits on top of my book cases, and i think. "You know, it would feel a lot better, two or three quick cuts, and its absolution, peace, it would be easy." I think back, i think back to when i used to drag a blade across my arm praying for the currage to press down, remembering how terrified about the path i was going down i was.

Dont blame the cutter, its not something one wants to do, its just, its easier. And its very tough to stop. And its also nice to know you arent alone. Cutters need different things to stop. Sometimes its a swift kick in the pants, others need a friend to speak to them bluntly, others need silent support.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Apu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2005 at 4:04pm
Originally posted by NotDaveEllis NotDaveEllis wrote:

I'm to much of a sissy to cut myself.
x2
I need a new Sig...
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