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very much crushed....

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    Posted: 30 July 2004 at 9:52am
At the same time, though, all relationships have their hickups. I'd say, hold on if you can but keep your wits about you.

The courage to perservere is every bit as important as the courage to walk away; And it's very difficult to tell which is most appropriate in any given situation.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Nocens Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 9:48am

Like I said, no matter what we tell him, he's going to have that slight sliver of hope that they'll get back together. And there's nothing we can do about it other than wait. Heck, I've been in that mental state before.

Chances are if she broke up with you bro, you guys aren't going to get back together -- unless you guys broke up due to some serious freak accident. Like I said in my previous post, and SandMan in his, you don't want this situation dominating your life. It hurts, we all know that, but hanging on to her will only put you through more unnecessary heartache and pain. Move on. If by some chance down the road you guys do happen to get back together, great. But for the time being just try not to think about it. It's only going to make it worse for you.

I feel, however, that what we say will simply fall upon deaf ears. Not because you are ignorant/naive/selfish by any means -- it has nothing to do with you at all. It's just the way the heart is.



Edited by Nocens
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SandMan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 9:27am
Originally posted by KillerCanuk KillerCanuk wrote:

Hey guys, thanks for the concern and sentement. Sandman, you're really cool about this.

Well, I've spent the last 5 hours or so with her, talking things over. Turns out she does still have alot of love for me, but it turned out that she thought she was focusing too much of her time around me. All the other stuff was more of a side note. We talked alot and worked things out more or less. She's going to spend less time with me, and more time with her friends and stuff. (which is fine, I never wanted her to focus entirely on me)

I donno though, I really want this to work out. Lets just hope she doesn't have another change of heart.


Oh yeah, if you don't have your own life the whole thing's jacked from the start. Your love life cannot dominate your other, non-romantic personal relationships. If it does, there's something wrong.

Trust me. I know all too well where you're coming from.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote pntbl freak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 9:16am
Yeah 4 years is a long time.  If you think it is best to try and stick with it, and see if everything work out, then try it.  Best of luck to you.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote choopie911 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 8:57am
Originally posted by KillerCanuk KillerCanuk wrote:

   Seeing how the average age is this forum is around 15, most people here haven't even been in a relationship.


Exactly what I was thinking.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ThEeViLcHiCkEn Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 8:55am
^^ future Dr. Phil's here
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KillerCanuk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 8:55am
Originally posted by choopie911 choopie911 wrote:


Originally posted by SandMan SandMan wrote:

Some guy has the guts to be open about his feelings and you morons are obsessed with whether the girl is hot or not. If you were any more shallow, you'd drown in the bathtub.



Sandman, you and I sound very much alike. It always dissapoints me when I see a serious thread, completly filled with childish remarks from people who have no idea what they are talking about.
Best of luck to you dude.


Don't worry about it too much guys. I kinda of expected alot of those. Seeing how the average age is this forum is around 15, most people here haven't even been in a relationship.

I appreciate you're imput Choopie and Sandman. You two seem to be good guys, and I thank you for your best wishes.

Edited by KillerCanuk

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote choopie911 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 8:47am
Originally posted by SandMan SandMan wrote:

Yeah, the thing is... A lot of emotions have to be worked out before you can ever be friends again without sharing a deeper bond. You can't just step back. The mind and heart don't work that way.


Sad but true... it happened with my last gf, we were best friends, then went out for over a year, it was great, etc, then it was over. She wanted to be friends right away, but for me, I couldn't. Way, way too hard.



Originally posted by SandMan SandMan wrote:

Some guy has the guts to be open about his feelings and you morons are obsessed with whether the girl is hot or not. If you were any more shallow, you'd drown in the bathtub.



Sandman, you and I sound very much alike. It always dissapoints me when I see a serious thread, completly filled with childish remarks from people who have no idea what they are talking about.
Best of luck to you dude.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote choopie911 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 8:40am
Originally posted by KillerCanuk KillerCanuk wrote:

Thanks guys. I understand all of you telling me to bail, and in any other situation, I probably would. But after 4 years of dating the girl, I'm not gonna drop her in a flash. If things can work out, I'll be happier for it. But if anything does come up again, well, then I'll eject.


While normally I would say bad idea, 4 years is a long time... so I think you may be right. Either way, I hope everything works out for you. Good luck with everything.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KillerCanuk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 7:17am
Thanks guys. I understand all of you telling me to bail, and in any other situation, I probably would. But after 4 years of dating the girl, I'm not gonna drop her in a flash. If things can work out, I'll be happier for it. But if anything does come up again, well, then I'll eject.

I'll go Home, I'll go Home,
Full of the devil and full of the rum.
I'll go home, oh I'll go home,
I'll go home in the morning.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Badsmitty Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 4:06am
Originally posted by KillerCanuk KillerCanuk wrote:

Hey guys, thanks for the concern and sentement. Sandman, you're really cool about this.

Well, I've spent the last 5 hours or so with her, talking things over. Turns out she does still have alot of love for me, but it turned out that she thought she was focusing too much of her time around me. All the other stuff was more of a side note. We talked alot and worked things out more or less. She's going to spend less time with me, and more time with her friends and stuff. (which is fine, I never wanted her to focus entirely on me)

I donno though, I really want this to work out. Lets just hope she doesn't have another change of heart.


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Hang out with your closest buddies for a long while, if at all possible (I'm talking a couple of hours a day here, not a couple of hours a week) -- it helps out a lot. Do something that involves (helping) other people if at all possible. Also, do things that'll keep your mind off of her: Sports, if you're into that sort of thing; computer games; exercise; school.

Things are going to be weird between you and her for a long period of time -- that's normal. And you're probably going to think about her a lot during this period of time -- that's normal too. And you'll probably even think that there's a slight chance that you guys will get back together -- this is normal as well. And though what we say or do may not alter your opinion on this matter, you should really not try to hang on to her or any sort hope that you can salvage the relationship. Separate yourself from her until you, yourself feel stable and comfortable. She's already let you go and now it's your turn to let her go.

You'll hear it a million times from a million faces: "Move on. There's other fish in the sea." And you won't want to -- because it hurts to think that something that was once so close is now gone; you'll think that you will never find somebody as good as her. Time will heal these wounds, however, I promise, so be patient while it works its magic. In a few weeks/months you'll get over the whole situation. Until then, however, try to keep your mind occupied with other things, as mentioned above. I'm sure a lot of us have experienced this matter before, some more affected than others. So we know what you're going through. If you need to vent/talk about something we are (Or at the very least, I am) here to listen.

Keep that chin up, boy. You'll find another.

Out.



Edited by Nocens
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hades Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 July 2004 at 12:07am
Originally posted by KillerCanuk KillerCanuk wrote:

Hey guys, thanks for the concern and sentement. Sandman, you're really cool about this.

Well, I've spent the last 5 hours or so with her, talking things over. Turns out she does still have alot of love for me, but it turned out that she thought she was focusing too much of her time around me. All the other stuff was more of a side note. We talked alot and worked things out more or less. She's going to spend less time with me, and more time with her friends and stuff. (which is fine, I never wanted her to focus entirely on me)

I donno though, I really want this to work out. Lets just hope she doesn't have another change of heart.


If I were you, I would get out now. You are already growing apart and the gap is just going to get bigger. If she was ready to call it quits already she is going to do it again.

I am calling that from this point on she is now using you because you are to attached to her. If you stay in this prepare for more hurt.

Not to add suspision in your head, but what do you suppose she and her friends are going to do while they hang out?

Find her a new boyfriend.

What can I say, Love Hurts.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Fallout_soldier Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2004 at 11:48pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PlentifulBalls Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2004 at 11:47pm
one thing is fr sure, if you go back with her, and she has another change of heart, you need to drop her like a sack of wet dirt. Or mud. Whatever you prefer.

At least you had a girlfriend. Plenti isn't exactly popular with the ladies.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ajreaper Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2004 at 10:39pm
Originally posted by reifidom reifidom wrote:

Let's just be friends = Please be there for my as a boyfriend in all but the physical affection aspects and remain my emotional sponge while leaving me free to date and complain to you about other people all while maintaining the illusion that things between us are just as great as they've ever been.


My gawd that's about as close to a definition for that as I've ever heard - you are to be congratulated!!!

Edited by Ajreaper
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KillerCanuk Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2004 at 9:44pm
Hey guys, thanks for the concern and sentement. Sandman, you're really cool about this.

Well, I've spent the last 5 hours or so with her, talking things over. Turns out she does still have alot of love for me, but it turned out that she thought she was focusing too much of her time around me. All the other stuff was more of a side note. We talked alot and worked things out more or less. She's going to spend less time with me, and more time with her friends and stuff. (which is fine, I never wanted her to focus entirely on me)

I donno though, I really want this to work out. Lets just hope she doesn't have another change of heart.

I'll go Home, I'll go Home,
Full of the devil and full of the rum.
I'll go home, oh I'll go home,
I'll go home in the morning.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Random_Person Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2004 at 9:14pm
that sucks, now go to a strip club and get over it


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thecorpseman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2004 at 8:06pm
Originally posted by reifidom reifidom wrote:

Let's just be friends = Please be there for
my as a boyfriend in all but the physical affection aspects and
remain my emotional sponge while leaving me free to date and
complain to you about other people all while maintaining the
illusion that things between us are just as great as they've ever
been.


hahahahahaha i like that.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote choopie911 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2004 at 7:21pm
I dont know what sort of junk everyone else said, as I skipped right to reply after reading your thread. I am really, really sorry to hear it. My gf of over a year did that to me too, and it sucked, a heck of alot, so I sort of know what you are going through. I hope everything turns out ok for you man. good luck.
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